


i wouldn't know where to start

by Rivran



Series: hear that bell ringing (but won't get the door) [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley is Summoned (Good Omens), Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, POV Outsider, Social Media, crowley is canonically goth, goth the subculture not goth the civilization, it's not that big of a deal though, teens are dumb ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27627149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivran/pseuds/Rivran
Summary: Aziraphale discovers the Twitter rumor mill. Crowley has fun.Meanwhile, across the Pacific, some teenagers get some rather interesting ideas from old horror movies.title from Almost Sweet Music by Hozier
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: hear that bell ringing (but won't get the door) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017918
Comments: 16
Kudos: 167





	i wouldn't know where to start

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm back on my bullshit again! please enjoy Aziraphale learning internet culture, Crowley getting summoned by teenagers, and poor jordan getting in over their head again

“Crowley.”

Pause.

“Crowley.”

Still no answer. 

“ _Crowley_ ,” said Aziraphale, leaning across the table to poke him.

“What?”

“You’ve been laughing at your mobile for the last five minutes. What on Earth are you looking at?”

“Do you remember the little car crash trick we pulled in America?”

Aziraphale tsked at him. “That was mostly your doing, dear. Oh, I hope we didn’t frighten that poor child too much.” It had bothered him ever since they left. The feeling lingered even after they returned to the safety of the bookshop.

“You hope we didn’t scare them?” Crowley grinned. “Says the one that miracled them a sandwich. Anyway, you’ll never guess what people are saying about us since then.”

He slid the phone across the table. Aziraphale picked it up and started reading.

> **Abbi** @abijail
> 
> Okay, so obviously everybody’s wondering about those videos of the (alleged) angels. So who the hell are they? A thread:
> 
> First: the London clips. I asked my video editor friend, and he said it looks real. It had to be a really nice setup to make those wings and that flight look accurate. I asked about the low quality, but apparently it would be super hard to make it match…
> 
> …combine that with the 20 minutes between the building explosion and the first video getting posted, and I’m calling this one confirmed.
> 
> Second: the car crash. The video is, admittedly, weird as fuck. The goth one looks like a cheap Halloween prop, but he stands up like nothing happened. Here’s a zoomed-in gif of the weirdest bit of that video:
> 
> [gif ID: road rash is visible through holes in the man’s trousers, but it fades away almost instantly, leaving no marks.]

Aziraphale paused his reading to ask, “Why are these messages so short?”

Crowley laughed. “It’s Twitter, angel, you’re limited to 280 characters. That’s the whole point.”

“Seems rather irritating,” he said, but continued reading.

> **Abbi** @abijail
> 
> Again, it could be camera trickery. I tracked down the person who was there (they tried to offer first aid) and they swear it happened exactly the way the video says. I know eyewitness accounts can change, but I’m inclined to believe this one too.
> 
> And if you haven’t seen it before, here’s the link to their text conversation from that day. So we know for sure the goth one is magic. How about the pastel one?
> 
> The last piece of evidence: this thread from a week ago, an hour after the second video was first posted. Apparently the pastel one is a known cryptid in Soho!! TL;DR he’s been around for at least 200 years and has never once changed his outfit
> 
> I would call it all damning, but I don’t think that’s accurate in this case lol. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

“I’m still confused, my dear. We went to great lengths to kick up attention there, and you’re surprised it worked?”

“To be fair, our plans never work. Remember Warlock?”

“You have a point,” Aziraphale conceded.

“And it’s not the attention I’m laughing at, it’s the conclusion. Not only do they think we’re both angels,” he said, shoulders quivering, “you’re the famous one! Did you click through to read that thread about Soho?”

“I don’t know how,” he admitted. “Although I did notice they called you ‘goth’. Isn’t that funny? I suppose you could pass for Germanic, but who knows with those sunglasses of yours?”

“Angel,” Crowley said, lovingly exasperated. “They mean the subculture, not the civilization. You know, the ones that dress in all black, wear lots of eyeliner, dye their hair funny colors?”

“Ah, that does sound like you.”

“Excuse you, angel, my hair is _natural_.” 1

Crowley’s mobile made a dinging noise in Aziraphale’s hand. “Oh, you can have that back. I don’t know how to work these things.”

He opened the message. “So sorry about this, and if this works tell your boyfriend we’re sorry too,” he read aloud. “What the fu- “

Two days ago, Jordan’s phone vibrated.

> Hi, my name is Abigail. You’re the guy that ran into the angels at the crosswalk, right? I’m compiling a thread with all the information we have about them and I’d like to get your input.
> 
> omg yeah that’s me!! im not a guy though lol. how can I help ya
> 
> Oh, sorry! Uh, I just wanted to check if that video is actually how it looked in real life.
> 
> bro you have no idea. it was so crazy watching it bc it was EXACTLY how I remembered, just from a slightly different angle
> 
> Cool, cool. So you’re sure they were angels? Or some kind of supernatural creature?
> 
> yeah I got blessed by them on my way home. do you want to see the text convo I had on the bus that day
> 
> Oh hell yeah. Or should I say heaven yeah?
> 
> oh that was a horrible joke, I like you
> 
> Lol thank you. And that reminds me, do you want to help me settle a bet with a few friends?
> 
> i love petty bets. what’s up
> 
> My brother thinks the goth angel is actually a demon. I think he’s full of it. You were there, can you comment one way or the other?
> 
> hmmmmmm he doesn’t really seem evil like a demon should. but I lowkey felt like he and the pastel one were different, and not just because they look like polar opposites you know?
> 
> Yeah, I get you. It’s a weird thing all around.
> 
> ok but if we’re really going down the batshit crazy track then I know a way you can settle your bet once and for all
> 
> Oh?
> 
> if he’s a demon, you should be able to summon him. like in the movies but hopefully with less animal sacrifice
> 
> You’re a genius. I don’t suppose you know anything about demon summoning?
> 
> not personally, but I have a library card and witchy friends. give me a few days and ill be able to work something out for you
> 
> I might literally be in love with you. Tysm
> 
> anytime lol

So that was how Jordan ended up in the parking lot of the nearest church with six of their weirdest friends, a box of sidewalk chalk, and a Red Bull.

“You’re sure this will work?” came a disembodied voice from across the chalk circle. _Damn my lack of night vision_ , Jordan thought.

“Not at all. But we gotta try, right?”

“Yeah, I promised Abbi I would,” Jordan replied, assuming they had been addressed.

“Why isn’t she here, anyway? She’s the one that got us into this.”

“She lives in Canada, dipshit,” hissed someone else.

“Oh, right.”

“Okay, everybody has a candle and a hood, right?” said someone to their right.

“Why do we need hoods again?”

“Aesthetic, mostly,” admitted Jordan.

“All I brought was my school hoodie,” somebody else complained.

“Just put the hood up and light your candle.”

Jordan listened to their witchiest friend chanting – well, something they didn’t understand. They caught the name _Crowley_ a few times, just because it was so incongruous with the arcane-sounding Latin spell.

“Put down the candles on three,” they said, trying to project confidence. “One, two…”

There was a massive black snake in the circle.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST,” screamed at least two of Jordan’s friends as they scrambled back from their candles.

It raised its head and opened bright yellow eyes. They glowed like flashlights in the dark. “Now don’t bring him into thisss. You’ve all made a terrible missstake,” it said, swaying.

“Uh, we’re really sorry, uh, sir, or ma’am I guess,” sputtered one of the hooded figures.

“What are you, Sssatanists?” it said, flicking its tongue out. “No, can’t be, I don’t sssmell any blood. Oh, you better not be Puritansss, I don’t want to get _that_ ssstink out of my scalesss again.”

“We’re not anything,” said Jordan. “Just regular teenagers, I guess.”

“Fucking Heaven,” swore the snake, and then ceased to be a snake at all. The goth angel from the Twitter videos was sitting in its place.

“Holy shit, it’s actually you,” Jordan breathed.

“It’s actually – of bloody course it is, who else would you have been summoning?”

“I don’t know! Maybe the other angel? The demon?” Jordan glared at him. “What exactly are you, anyway?”

The ex-snake squinted at the speaker. “I’m a demon,” he said like it was a normal thing to hear. “I assumed I was the only one on Earth at the moment. What do you mean, the other one?”

“You know, the shorter one, from the videos? Dresses in all light colors, wears a bow tie?”

Jordan felt a chill run up their spine as the demon laughed out loud. “Aziraphale? That one’s obvious. You’re telling me you haven’t got it yet?”

Nobody in the circle dared to reply. Demonic laughter did that to a person.

“He’s an angel, obviously,” continued the demon. “And if you lot are scared of me, you definitely won’t like what’s coming for you. The angel will find me, he always does. And when he’s done with you, I’m – hang on, is that a Red Bull?”

“Yes,” said Jordan, clutching the half-empty can.

“I will never understand you humans,” the demon declared. “What time is it, four in the morning? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“Actually, it’s only two AM,” supplied one of Jordan’s friends.

“That’s not better! Really, it’s a miracle you people don’t die sooner.” He sighed. “Kids these days.”

“I’m nineteen,” Jordan said defensively. “I’m guessing you’re older than you look?”

The demon laughed. “Oh, this one’s clever. I’ll eat you last.” He grinned, baring teeth that still looked like snake fangs. The smile dropped from his face. “Relax, it’s a joke. I don’t make a habit of eating humans these days.”

“Really,” said Jordan, who was the only one that wasn’t about to pass out from fear.

“Yeah, much too bony. And chewy.” He grimaced. “You know how bad it has to be for a snake to think you’re chewy? We swallow our food whole, you know.” The demon stood up and looked around for the first time. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me.”

“What? You – you can’t leave that circle,” Jordan insisted.

“Not that,” said the demon dismissively. “I’m just wondering what the Heaven this church is supposed to be. Am I in a parking lot?”

“It’s consecrated ground,” they said. It was a better response than “yes, this is the parking lot that everyone uses to make out in the summertime”.

The demon sniffed the air and laughed. “Oh, that’s hardly even dedicated ground these days. Trust me, you don’t want to smell the sin hanging around here.”

Jordan opened their mouth to argue, but they were rudely interrupted by a bolt of lightning. Two of their friends 2 passed out dead on the ground. Jordan was lucky, compared to the others; the lightning had only briefly blinded them. Lines danced in their vision, resolving themselves into a humanoid figure.

“Crowley!” shouted the figure. It ran full speed toward the chalk circle. 

“Hey, angel,” the demon greeted casually. “Have you met my friends?”

The figure stopped. “I do believe we have, actually.”

Jordan’s night vision finally returned just enough to recognize the clothing on the lightning one. “Wow, hey, I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“Hello again, my dear,” said the angel, who was way too happy to see them, given the circumstances. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll be taking this one home now.”

“Wait!” they called. “I – um, I kind of put a bet on you guys being angels. Or an angel and a demon, whatever. I just need some kind of proof before you go,” they said.

“Well, wouldn’t it be rude of us not to help,” drawled the demon. “Come on, angel, let’s take a picture for the human.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and aimed the front camera at himself. The angel smiled serenely at the camera, while the demon held up a peace sign and stuck out a forked tongue. The screen flashed brilliant white, blinding Jordan once again.

“All right, you should find that wherever you need it to be,” came the demon’s voice. “We really should be going now. I was kind of in the middle of something.”

The pair was gone as quickly as they had appeared. The circle of summoners had run away when the lightning struck, and it was just Jordan and their chalk and their Red Bull. They sighed and made their way back to their car.

The demon and angel winked at them from their phone screen. That bastard had somehow set it as their wallpaper. They checked their texts; the picture was there, too, from a number that _had_ to be fake.

> +44 666-6666
> 
> _Attachment: 1 image_
> 
> _The selfie: best demonic act since the Apple (and no I don’t mean the brand)_

It really was a perfect picture. The demon’s snake eyes were clearly visible, not to mention the split tongue. The angel, on the other hand, practically glowed through their phone screen. Jordan grinned. _Wait till Abbi sees this_.

“Really, Crowley, you didn’t have to use such a rude gesture in that picture.”

“They were American, they’ll never notice,” Crowley said.

“Mm,” said Aziraphale noncommittally. “They did summon you halfway across the planet.”

“Yeah, and the weirdest thing? I have no bloody clue how they did it. You saw that circle, right? I recognized it, but it’s not from any proper magic. It’s from some stupid movie that came out back in the eighties. It should never have worked.”

“Well, faith is a powerful thing,” began Aziraphale. Crowley’s yellow glare shut him up.

“Faith won’t save their files, though,” Crowley said.

“What are you planning to do,” Aziraphale said flatly.

“Nothing dangerous, angel, so you can stop worrying. I figure we give it another week, let the whole rumor mill run its course, and then,” he snapped his fingers, “magic away the evidence. I’ll leave the memories intact, of course. It’s much more fun that way. But all the pictures, and the videos, and the fanfiction? They’ll find themselves suspiciously corrupted. Irretrievable. Very sad, really.”

“You’ve thought this through,” the angel remarked. “Isn’t it a bit of a deus ex machina, though?”

“Angel,” he said, “don’t even get me started.”

Aziraphale laughed softly. “You have a point, my dear.” He paused and looked up from his cup of tea. “Did you say something about fan fiction?”

For a demon who didn’t actually require blood, Crowley went shockingly pale. “Angel,” he said again. “Don’t even get me started.”

* * *

1\. As natural as a supernatural entity's hair could be, anyway. [ ▲ ]

2\. The same ones that screamed when the snake first appeared. [ ▲ ]

**Author's Note:**

> i really went ham on the formatting this time, huh?
> 
> as always, thank you for reading!! it means a lot to me that people actually read and enjoy my writing <3 i thrive on comments, so let me know what you think!


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